But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

I mean really...how does this apply to job hunting? What will I search for? I'm not searching for a christian organization or an organization where the employees probably even believe in Jesus. In my experience, most non-profit people have lost hope and don't believe in God or Jesus. Often times they might be bitter or jaded towards the entire idea and I get that. I've been there. And I probably will be there again from time to time. Seeing awful things happen to people, especially children, leaves one to wonder where God was in that. And don't even give me that answer that "everything happens for a reason" or "God was in that to make her a better person". Those answers work great for people going through fairly trivial things but sound like shit when referring to children who have been molested and women who have been raped and beaten. In those times I really DO wonder where He was. Where was God when that young girl was attacked multiple times throughout her life? Where was God when she asked for help and nobody believed her or thought she was to blame? Seriously? Can somebody actually GIVE me a real answer this?

I've applied to a children's psychiatric center yesterday. All I asked God is that he let somebody see the application and call my employee reference. I'm having one of those days where I lose hope in the whole thing. I hate these kinds of days. It's so frustrating to know that I'm in a company that I hate and doing a job that is so mundane. I strive for the days that I can wear normal clothes and actually give a crap about my appearance. I long to be able to have chaos and hear drama that's actually real to somebody (As opposed to people creating drama about where to put clothes away...) I look forward to a chance to help another human being in their life and really listen to their stories. I look forward to the chance to feel completely out of place and confused and wonder if I'll ever be able to do my job. I can't wait for the challenge. 

Hobby note: I tried the sewing machine and can't quite figure out the bobbin situation. However, I did start hand stitching on the dress that I'm altering. I've altered the skirt just a bit, removed the sleeves and have started stitching a new hem, removed the collar and stitched a new hem, and just need to shorten it! Exciting!!